Headline: Robe Lowe On New Medication

Doesn't he look smug and self-satisfied? Or better yet, doped up on anti-anxiety medication?
What about the kid? Cracked out, I'd say. And the wife...so stern and noble.
Look how well-defined all their eyebrows are. Look at that crease on Rob's left cheek--that is a well-defined cheek crease.

Well, apparently this isn't JUST the face of a man whose happy--and has great skin creasitude--this is the face of a man about to die.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to kill him.

But God is. Not Rob, his character.



Look at that picture! It's just all too creepy for me.

Are We Fucked?

"In 1970, 79 percent said their goal was developing a meaningful philosophy of life. By 2005, 75 percent said their primary objective was to be financially very well off."

The next to last line of a story in the NY Times today. Casually thrown out, without much thought (and, in fact, used more to illustrate a point about the growth of the upper-middle class).

Is this a sign of social degradation or evidence that having a college education is no longer the sole province of an already rich upper crust, that really didn't need the degree to begin with? (Which would, in part, explain the lower "value" of such degrees).

My Head Hurts

Someone please drill a hole in my skull to release the pressure.

Like so:

This is funny...

July 12, 2006

Paralegal dies in some sort of accident The Firm mourns the loss of a paralegal, who apparently died last month from some illness or in an accident. He/she was a valuable and loved employee, whose dedication was noticed by all. He/she will be missed. On a brighter note, new paper clips arrived today, and everyone is very excited. The Firm's recent paper clip shortage has impacted everyone's life here, from the partners who use the paper clips to the associates who get the paper clips thrown at them. A party was held to celebrate the new paper clips in conference room 24B. Cake was served. Also, we mourned the loss of our paralegal, who we miss deeply, and wish he or she was still here with us. A fund has been established in his/her name, as soon as we remember it. From anonymouslawfirm.com. Compare it to this "real" firm. (Could have been any firm...sorry S&S.)

Blogino

I envy Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Not because he's fat (although he probably deals with this "snow" stuff better than I do); Not because he's Sicillian (I'm 1/4 Sicillian, myself, and yes, I have a thick crust with flat, baking soda overtones); and NOT because he's a Supreme Court Justice (I really don't have the discipline to spend my life in the kind of horrible ways that truly outstanding academic and professional success require).

I envy Nino, as he prefers to be called, because the world seems so clear to him.

On the Death Penalty: “You want to have a fair death penalty? You kill; you die. That’s fair.”

Reading his opinions, it becomes clear that other people are retarded.

During his dissent in Texas v. Johnson (which declared a law banning homosexual sodomy unconstitutional) Scalia discusses the ramification of the majority's decision: "This reasoning leaves on pretty shaky grounds state laws limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples. Justice O'Connor seeks to preserve them by the conclusory statement that "preserving the traditional institution of marriage" is a legitimate state interest. But preserving the traditional institution of marriage is just a kinder way of describing the State's moral disapproval of same-sex couples."

See? That's so easy to understand. It's actually a pretty complicated issue (at least the majority, including O'Connor) seems to think so, as do the numerous state courts that have since struggled with laws banning same-sex marriage (or homarriage as no one calls it), including New York, New Jersey, Massachusettes, and California to name the most Blue (two of those four upheld the laws, one struck it, and the last struck it, with the caveat of allowing the legislature to decide what to call same-sex marriage-like relationships [homarriage! I'm telling you!]). But ol' Scalia sees the world through clear, Catholic eyes.

Just check out this well deserved shrine to him.

Oh, to understand the world so easily...

How To Tell if You are Crazy

For thousands of years, determining if you were crazy was a costly and time-consuming endeavor. One had to hire psychologists, excorcists, or philosophers well versed in the human body and the proper balance of its "humours"--usually at costs so outrageous that only the three richest kings of Europe could afford them--and then sit in their sterile offices for DECADES while they poked, prodded, and asked you about your experiences in kindergarten as the only kid who "spoke directly to Jesus."

I say WAS, because I have devised an amazing, effective, and inexpensive test for determining crazitude in the average human being. In the interests of the free exchange of information, I have made this test available on this blog.

If any of the following sets of circumstances describes you, you suffer from clinical crazosity:

1) You are under the age of 65, but you regularly get up at 4:30 in the morning even though you have nothing to do, and then you begin watching "Fox and Friends," because "it's the dog's favorite show."

-OR-

2) You're an actor and your character's given name is "Theodore," but you introduce yourself in the movie as "Ted 'Theodore' Logan" and then go on to make a string of sci-fi action movies and then my grandpa mispronounces your real first name as "Canoe" because he thinks it's funny (he also says that Mel Gibson is actually only three and a half feet tall and runs around on stilts).

-OR- (finally)

3) You think it's a really good idea to take all the Muslims in the United States and tatoo crescents on their forwards to ensure our national security.

(You can't make this stuff up).