How To Tell if You are Crazy

For thousands of years, determining if you were crazy was a costly and time-consuming endeavor. One had to hire psychologists, excorcists, or philosophers well versed in the human body and the proper balance of its "humours"--usually at costs so outrageous that only the three richest kings of Europe could afford them--and then sit in their sterile offices for DECADES while they poked, prodded, and asked you about your experiences in kindergarten as the only kid who "spoke directly to Jesus."

I say WAS, because I have devised an amazing, effective, and inexpensive test for determining crazitude in the average human being. In the interests of the free exchange of information, I have made this test available on this blog.

If any of the following sets of circumstances describes you, you suffer from clinical crazosity:

1) You are under the age of 65, but you regularly get up at 4:30 in the morning even though you have nothing to do, and then you begin watching "Fox and Friends," because "it's the dog's favorite show."

-OR-

2) You're an actor and your character's given name is "Theodore," but you introduce yourself in the movie as "Ted 'Theodore' Logan" and then go on to make a string of sci-fi action movies and then my grandpa mispronounces your real first name as "Canoe" because he thinks it's funny (he also says that Mel Gibson is actually only three and a half feet tall and runs around on stilts).

-OR- (finally)

3) You think it's a really good idea to take all the Muslims in the United States and tatoo crescents on their forwards to ensure our national security.

(You can't make this stuff up).