It's All Downhill from Here, People

Just now, it occurred to me that humankind reached its musical highpoint in 1986.

Why 1986? You ask, oh faithful readers...

Well, that's when Nintendo released The Legend of Zelda. The opening theme is the obvious culmination of everything musical in the history of humanity: the first throaty grunt, the first clapping hand, the first hammer smacked against an enemy's skull, the musical scales, the High Baroque period, the mathematical certainty of the computing age, the gutsy artisanship of the major Euro/American studios in the late 1970's, Styx... it all lead to this single, monumental achievement in composition.

You know what this means, right? Civilization peaked 20 years ago. It's all downhill from here--or, more properly, it's all downhill from 20 years ago.

But, you retort, oh gentle companions, what about other forms of art? Sure, you continue, it's indisputable that no other work of music surpasses the sublimity of Zelda's overworld theme, but there is still film, other forms of fine art, and literature, right?

Ha.
HA! I say. Fine art has been in the toilet since the Pre-Postmodern Dadaism began wreaking havoc in museums and galleries throughout the world, spitting out its surprisingly pretentious monosyllabic declarations.

And literature? Name ONE book or poem that has come out since How to Win Friends and Influence People that has come even CLOSE to that earth-shattering work. (Okay, okay,
Why We Want You to be Rich: Two Men - One Message, isn't bad, but still.).

And film? Are you serious? Pfft. I'm not gonna even deal with that.

Science is no better. Democracy? Not real--never was. Philosophy? Hey, look, have you ever been to a philosophy class at a university? It's more of a study in being obnoxious, and, look, no one's gonna do that better than Urkel, so no help there. Economics? Oh, fuck you, the study of rich people getting richer? Yeah, sounds REAL worthwhile.

It's chutes and ladders folks, and we've run out of ladders.
And now I gotta go make dinner.