A Better Way to Take a Final Exam

1) Get up at 7:45 a.m.
2) Catch the train at 8.
3) Have a fruit smoothie and a muffin (combined calories = 1186).
4) Feel that sensation in your stomach? It's the process of digestion. Food's a good idea, yeah?
5) Coffee is for sqaures, man.
6) Print out your test file--what's this: three questions and only one page long? 2400 word limit? 8 hours? Awesome.
7) Spend two hours outlining and then two hours typing.
8) Break for lunch--bring some scratch paper and your hefty test question printout.
9) Brainstorm while you enjoy your grilled cheese sandwhich ("You want bacon?" "No, no bacon." "Are you sure? Ham?" "No, thank you, just cheese." "Just cheese?" "Just cheese." "Are you sure." "No, I'm retarded." "Okay, just cheese." "Thank you, God").
10) Wait, what's this, answer two bullshit questions of your choice? Fantastic! I majored in bullshit as an undergrad.
11) Laugh.
12) Spend two more hours outlining and two more hours typing.
13) God, I feel amazing--B+ here I come.
14) Upload your exam file two minutes late ("Don't worry," says Mandy, "you get a ten minute grace period." "Sweet.")
15) Drink yourself drunk (much faster than drinking yourself normal).
16) Go home and actually relax.
17) Blog.