Subway Stories
Everyone else has a column, so what the fuck?
Well we all know that MTA doesn't really give a shit about you if you live in the "outer boroughs" (as a side note, apparently New York City is composed of five boroughs, and one of them is Staten Island!) so us folks that are out Brooklyn way probably can't expect much when it comes to subway service.
But!
"Surely," you might say, "you can expect the train to come to a stop at at its designated stations so that passengers can detrain." Oh ho, HO! The train may stop--it might even linger a bit while you wait expectantly by the door, staring at the guy that doesn't speak English as he stands on the platform with his fat little kids--but that doesn't mean that the conductor will open the doors. Nor does it mean that you can expect him to give any type of announcement or explanation.
So, after Des and I were kidnapped and trucked out to Southern Queens, along with four or five dozen other unfortunates, we were eventually allowed to exit the train. I approached the side window to instruct the conductor on how, in my opinion, he was a Grade A asshole, but one of my fellow Brooklynites got there first. I did little talking; she summed the situation up for him quite adequately:
"You MUST be smokin' crack, muthafucka! You can't open the doors?! Nevermind that fifty people gotta get off the fuckin' train, asshole...Shit...I know why you didn't get no raise...dumb muthafuckas go on strike and didn't get one cent...too dumb to open the fuckin' train doors! I know why he wasn't opening the doors, he was takin' a hit [of crack cocaine]"
Say what you will about us folks in the Ghetto--but we do know how to communicate our feelings succintly.
UPDATE from the Diministrator: The views expressed in this column that there are "five boroughs" reflect the views of the author only, and not the Blog. Due to disagreement among the administrators, the existence of a mysterious "Fifth Borough" remains in dispute. The Diministrator would also note that this column can only relate to at most four boroughs, because if such a "Fifth Borough" exists, it cannot be traveled to by subway, but only by the conveyance of Magical Faeries.
Well we all know that MTA doesn't really give a shit about you if you live in the "outer boroughs" (as a side note, apparently New York City is composed of five boroughs, and one of them is Staten Island!) so us folks that are out Brooklyn way probably can't expect much when it comes to subway service.
But!
"Surely," you might say, "you can expect the train to come to a stop at at its designated stations so that passengers can detrain." Oh ho, HO! The train may stop--it might even linger a bit while you wait expectantly by the door, staring at the guy that doesn't speak English as he stands on the platform with his fat little kids--but that doesn't mean that the conductor will open the doors. Nor does it mean that you can expect him to give any type of announcement or explanation.
So, after Des and I were kidnapped and trucked out to Southern Queens, along with four or five dozen other unfortunates, we were eventually allowed to exit the train. I approached the side window to instruct the conductor on how, in my opinion, he was a Grade A asshole, but one of my fellow Brooklynites got there first. I did little talking; she summed the situation up for him quite adequately:
"You MUST be smokin' crack, muthafucka! You can't open the doors?! Nevermind that fifty people gotta get off the fuckin' train, asshole...Shit...I know why you didn't get no raise...dumb muthafuckas go on strike and didn't get one cent...too dumb to open the fuckin' train doors! I know why he wasn't opening the doors, he was takin' a hit [of crack cocaine]"
Say what you will about us folks in the Ghetto--but we do know how to communicate our feelings succintly.
UPDATE from the Diministrator: The views expressed in this column that there are "five boroughs" reflect the views of the author only, and not the Blog. Due to disagreement among the administrators, the existence of a mysterious "Fifth Borough" remains in dispute. The Diministrator would also note that this column can only relate to at most four boroughs, because if such a "Fifth Borough" exists, it cannot be traveled to by subway, but only by the conveyance of Magical Faeries.
posted by Radio at 11:52:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home